Blobby, we hardly knew ye

The world has lost its first-ever genderful, $350,000 government spokesblob

Blobby, 1, of Salem, Oregon passed away February 5 following a brief career extolling the joys of voting in Oregon.

Blobby was born September 12, 2023, to the trifecta of former Secretary of State Shemia Fagan, Secretary of State Lavonne Griffin-Valade and Portland design firm Happylucky.

Described as “genderful and inclusive,” Blobby made an immediate mark on social media, insisting while hiking, canoeing or wielding a light saber, “Voting in Oregon Feels Good.”

Blobby’s brief life was not without controversy. It was reported by an investigative reporter of dubious propriety the Secretary of State paid design firm Happylucky $350,000 for work that included the conception of Blobby. It was Happylucky that first described it (?) as “genderful,” which means “full of gender,” and a more inclusive alternative to terms like “genderless” or “gender-neutral.” Blobby was, courageously, the first genderful voting mascot in world history.

When Oregon disclosed in September 2024 that it had registered over 1,500 non-citizens to vote, Blobby was not deterred. It (?) posted right through it, reminding Oregonians that, contrary to appearances, voting in Oregon was in fact secure.

The cause of Blobby’s death is as yet unknown. However, Tobias Read, was sworn in as Secretary of State a month ago, and Blobby had not been seen since. That he had been deactivated was announced via a post on X yesterday, pointing to other voting resources of undeclared gender.

Blobby is survived by the blue blob, purple blob, pink blob, green blob and wheelchair-bound blob that sometimes appeared with it (?) in social media posts.

In lieu of flowers, the family requests grieving Oregonians purchase an item from the Happylucky merch shop, especially the $10,000 “hat/horse” bust or, for the budget conscience, the $690 “sex cards.”