Tina feels the Bern
Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders is coming to Oregon this Thursday to campaign for governor candidate Tina Kotek and other Democrat candidates. Democrats are facing an unusually fierce headwind in the Beaver State, with Kotek and three U.S. House swing-district Democrats in tossup races with their Republican opponents. Sanders comes to Oregon as part of his national effort to energize Democrat voters ahead of the midterm election next month.
Oregon Roundup has obtained a transcript of a Zoom call between Kotek and Sanders in which the two plan his visit. The transcript follows:
Tina: Senator Sanders!
Bernie:
Tina: Senator Sanders, are you there?
Bernie:
Tina: Senator Sanders, I think you’re on mute.
Bernie: [shaking fist at person off screen] Just push computer audio then! How am I supposed to know what audio to do? I swear, if you weren’t unionized . . .
Tina: Senator Sanders! I see and hear you. How are you?
Bernie: Oh, hi, uh [shuffles through notes] . . .
Voice off screen: Tina
Bernie: Oh yes, Tina. Sorry, the proletariat isn’t what it used to be. Good to see you. How are things out in Oregone?
Tina: Oregon.
Bernie: That’s what I said, Oregone.
Tina: Right, you said “Oregone.” That’s not how we say it. We say Oregon.
Bernie: Then why is it spelled “Oregon” instead of “Oregun?”
Tina: Well, for one thing, “gun” is a problem.
Bernie: Ahhhh, got it. Well done. So how’s your race going? What can I do to help?
Tina: Well, it’s not going so great, Senator . . .
Bernie: Please, call me Bernie. Honorifics like “senator” make me feel like I’m part of the ruling class, which I’m not and never will be.
Tina: OK, Bernie. To be honest, it’s not going so great. My extreme MAGA opponent is ahead in most of the recent polls. She’s fooled so many Oregonians . . .
Bernie: You mean “Oregunians?”
Tina: No, it’s Oregonians.
Bernie: What?
Tina: Never mind, it doesn’t make any sense. Just practice it before you come out, please. The point is, I need your help. My extreme MAGA opponent . . .
Bernie: I prefer Ultra MAGA.
Tina: Fine, my Ultra MAGA opponent keeps blaming me for all the problems in our state. When in reality, all those problems are because Republicans stormed the Capitol on January 6.
Bernie: Tell me about it. Democracy, abortion and inflationary spending are all on the ballot. We have to protect all of them. It’s essential.
Tina: Yes! And homelessness.
Bernie: Homelessness?
Tina: Yeah, I passed a bill to prevent cities from cleaning up homeless camps, and my opponent called me “Tent City Tina.”
Bernie: The Ultra MAGA opponent?
Tina: No, the nearly-as-Ultra-MAGA opponent. They’re both saying I’m too extreme.
Bernie: “Tent City Tina” does have a ring to it . . . what are you doing to fight back?
Tina: I’m campaigning with you.
Bernie:
Tina: Bernie?
Bernie: Why?